Life Long Lesson

I've learnt to stop asking friends who are attached out. The reason's simple, they are always MIA, or unavailable. Even if you see them in action, they are only physically present, with their heart and mind somewhere. Here are some scenarios you might find familiar.

1. "Sorry I confirm with you again later k?" Which means he/she needs to confirm with his/her other half, to see if they are going out on a date. Sorry first come first serve doesn't apply here. The other party is his/her priority. Only when given the green light, he/she is able to meet up with you.

2. "Not free leh." For whatever reason, from meeting his/her other half, to celebrating their 248th day anniversary. And usually this reason is repeated for the umpteenth time. So much so you can predict the answer if you ever bother to ask him/her out again.

3. Even when he/she is free(once in a blue moon) to meet you(of cos you are the one who suggested meeting up, cos he/she would rather meet each other when they are free), he/she will be busy calling/sms-ing each other every second or to be less exaggerating, at least once in an hour. They can't bear not hearing from each other for some time.

4. "Hey but I need to go off early." That means he/she has to meet his/her other half after meeting up with you shortly, his/her other half will be picking him/her up or sending him/her home. Ok the ladies are the ones that need to be sent home.

5. "Hmmm I don't feel like going out." He/she missed out the "with you". Cos you'll see him/her rushing to meet his/her other half right after hanging up. Like I say you are not his/her priority. But you should feel glad that at least he/she bothers to come up with an excuse(although a lame one) to make you feel better, or should you not?

You can definitely come up with more scenarios than these 5. I found it amusing when a friend told me that whenever there's an outing, he'll inform his attached friend, just for the sake of informing, out of basic courtesy, because he knows the answer he'll get. Yah I know, you have to be a lil' self sacrificial in a relationship. But sacrificing almost all your time, losing all your friends and people who care about you.... I don't think that's very sensible. Yes "you won't understand because you are not in it (the relationship)" That's very true, because we, as different individuals, have different thinkings and ways of handling relationships and definitely different priorities. I do not feel sad for such couples. In fact I pity them, they cling on so tightly to each other that once this rope snaps, both of them will lose their balance in life, and their world will come crashing down, cos their world consist of only each other. I have a friend who told me, that just after a break up, he was feeling very down and the worst thing was, he couldn't find any friend to talk to. Why? As he said, he had placed all his stakes on a ship and that ship has sunken. He regretted it badly. Another friend told me his friend was in the same boat and what to do? His friend crawled(yes, that's the word he used) back to the clique. That is why I always share a cruel advice with people around me -- Don't regret the day, when something happens between the two of you and only to realise no one is there for you. Curse me if you wish for friends shouldn't be so calculative. My bad. But you can't blame me, because if he/she no longer remember me as a friend then why should I bother? You can't expect me to be there for someone who haven't been there for me. Like a relationship, friendship can only be sustained if both parties put in effort. It's a two way thing. A friend complained to me that he wished his friends would ask him out more often and not take for granted that he won't be free just because he is attached. His case is different for he isn't one to ditch his friends for his girlfriend, but sometimes I wonder if people who make such complaints put in enough effort and on their part ask their friends out? Because friends do get annoyed/irritated/disappointed/tired/dejected after consecutive rejections.

Perhaps because when one is not in it, one can see things clearly in a third party's perspective. Perhaps one can see and understand more than those in it. Yet another friend provided a very valuable advice. That such experiences teach us not to treat other friends the same way we were treated, the next time we get attached. But then again you'll probably get too smitten with that someone that you'll soon be lost in a world of your own. Hey let's also not forget friends who are happily attached without having to sacrifice their own social life, their friends and everyone around them, at least not to such an extent.

*To all my faithful readers and people who stumbled upon this blog by accident, thanks for staying tuned. *

=L plate=