Skeptic

It's exhaustive to be
tied down by the living

and the dead

To know history could (would) repeat

in a different situation

a different place

It's pathetic to be

burdened by the uncertainty

What will and will not be

A trust misplaced so readily

Foreseeing a future diverge to nothing

What can I trust?
What do I believe?

The Bladding Sexy Moustache

I know I've been lazy...

I know many of you have seen this before.
I saw it last weekend.
But I thought it was really hilarious....

Thoughts

Would you rather be a clown who wears a huge smile in disguise everyday whom everyone surrounds, or a melancholic freak whom everyone shuns?

--- a passing thought while ironing and scalded

同类

我想我们是同类

希望有人呵护　有人陪
越是显得不在乎　越是疲惫
习惯独处　却会觉得累

也许太努力生活　想看见一丝的美
最后　剩下眼前一片漆黑
还是走不出　为自己锁上的堡垒

Punk

I had this gloating sensation inside me, when I heard of it.

Eventhough this doesn't make sense.
Eventhough I still think it's crap.
Eventhough I still think it's unfair.
Eventhough I'm still fuming over it.
Don't be mistaken I'm fuming over the "truth" that I saw. Nothing personal.
Although now indeed I see the core, what lies beneath. And I'm disgusted.

Finally, I was enlightened. What "weak" and "double standard" means.
An illustration is so much clearer than what can be explained.
Pea brained. It takes two hands to clap. Is this simple logic so hard to understand?
Perhaps there's another dictionary. The dictionary that's owned by the "extraordinary".
Which seriously means "screwed" to me. Yes, only in this case.

I don't see the difference. Seriously.
But I guess both instances are explained differently. At least in that dictionary.
Which results in different reactions. But you know what, I think it's really trashy.
Why is it that something can be condoned and another not?
Why is it that something can be forgotten and forgiven yet another not?

I'm sorry I don't see things the same way the "extraordinary' do.
Reason being I'm normal. I'm logical. At least relatively.
And I follow the good old dictionary.
And now, I have a better view. I won't see what I thought I saw in the same way anymore.

I despise you.
And it's not only you.





From the good old dictionary:
punk (slang)- something or someone worthless or unimportant

The Unknown

Have you ever had such a feeling?
Where your mind was going through one thing and out of nowhere flashbacks of another came along? And unknowingly your thoughts wandered from point A to point B, without yourself knowing. And by the time you realise you are on another train of thoughts, you've scanned through each and every image time and again.

How is this possible? What does it say? Or is your mind trying to tell you something? That your heart and mind never work together? That while your mind was set on a task, your heart drifted away, gained power and took control. Or does it imply that your brain is divided and at certain times, the part in hiding won the battle over another. Or perhaps something else has managed to creep into you, filling up the empty space, slowly over taking the space that was once occupied. All this, unconsciously. Slowly but surely... How creepy...

What is happening? Why is this even happening? Until the day you become conscious, there's no explanation....

Mental Scribbling

A few degress below ten
A night of still, slightly softened by the moonlight
Add the fade lantern lights, it's a bright night
And it probably preferred not to be disturbed

The moon hanging high in the sky, looks further from where it usually is
Its shadow almost touchable, playing catching with the ripples and tide
Moving in all shapes and directions, unlike its obedient owner
who stands alone, so stern and unreachable

Behind those beamy eyes, the surroundings blurred
Rays emitting from the moon and lights of boats
Perhaps it still looks better when unclear
It leaves more room for imagination

Be quiet, don't break the silence
It's too cold out there, get back
You've seen it once and it gets imprinted
Because it's beautiful yet not complete

And we agree 外国的月亮真的比较圆

On A day of Fall

On a lighter note,

My first self-baked Birthday cake =)

A strawberry cheescake

For the Birthday Boy

born in fall
what an apt season
Happy Birthday

A grown up now.
You may not know it, but the nice little gesture from you this morning made my day.
It fought the potential gloomy clouds (no longer a threat) that came by in the day.
And won the battle.

The happy family

Serendipity.
Amazed by the serenity within me.
How at ease I am with it.

Perhaps it was all within expectation. When you see it coming, you'll probably be able to put yourself in better position when it strikes. Or perhaps it was long gone, I'm already beyond this.

It's ironic, to see how certain things have taken a head start, a new life, a re-born and to see how things have come to an end, stalled, damaged beyond repair. Period. They call this the balance of life. These are but phases of life. They will pass. Somewhere, somehow. Some take a while longer, some just a breather. But it will end somehow. Seasons change, feelings fade, priorities shuffle. Nothing last forever. A tinge of grey, but that's how it is. A transition; when things end, something's gotta start. Yet it gets a bit confusing when both happen simultaneously.

I believe there's an expiry date to everything. The day it was given life, it is tagged with a date, a date that it will eventually come to an end. Don't misread, this date can be eternity. To me eternity is an expiry date. More often than not, the tag does not read eternity. Perhaps the only exception is memories. They last forever. And memories are beautiful, only because they are memories. When you lose something in reality, past images and events involving the lost become memories, like your childhood, your lost kin, a lost love. It's beautiful, because you know it will never happen again. If these are not lost, they will not build up into memories and once it's put into reality, it turns sour, it turns ugly. That's how reality is anyway. No what ifs, there should not be any extrapolation from memories. They should be packaged separately, so be it good or bad, they'll be beautiful anyhow. Yet again, expired things can become memories. What a contradiction. I'm going around in circles again.

But no. Because you have expired. Even though memories never.

The Surprise

This came very late. I've been lazy, there're 101 things for me to do =)

My adopted family. Dearest!
Back: SC (putting on Wenyan's specs!), Wenyan
Front from left: Ben, Lixuan, Me, SiewMin, Alexan(the man who had it planned!)

Me and brownie cake (outta 2) baked our dear Mr. Lau!

Playing some food guessing game. Made to taste Orh nee

A beautiful day ahead!
かんばってね!

Dreams in reality

I think I know
way more than I should know
things which many don't wish me to know
but a picture paint a thousand words
I believe in what I see, only

Today
I woke up from a dream
a real bad dream
with so much familiarity

I will not cry in the day
which is why I cry in my dream
in my less than familiar bed

Those embarrassing moments
only occurred in my dream
that I was saved from, how timely it is

The two vicious slaps
we gave each other caused we cared
discreetly hoping, that we still have

And then
a call
An awakening call
a honeyed little message
from a less familar soul

A dream, so abominable
To words, so dulcet
What a transition

Alive

Had a long talk with Alexan 2 nights ago. Late into the night, when we both had to work the next day. And his blog which I just read, but decided not to disclose anyways, on a post sometime ago which involves me, made me rethink about myself. He's a deep one. And seeing him, I miss the old me, the one who used to think so much, read so much into everything I see or hear. I still do but not as much. And I'm feeling empty. It was tiring so I wanted to get myself out of the misery.Perhaps I've tried so hard not to think that I've slowly lost the ability to. And I don't like it. I love the fact that I can think, perhaps deeper than a normal person would. It may not be good, but it makes me feel alive. And I would never want to give up that ability.

Which is probably why, I can never understand simple and innocent people. People with a simple mind, who believes the world is beautiful, the world is fair. People who could never understand human nature. People who would never see the same light the way I see it. There's nothing wrong with them, they just don't see the world like I do. To them that is world, and so I shall not impose my thoughts and beliefs on them. But sometimes I wish I could let them see the harsh realities of life. Or perhaps I've seen too much, that I feel it'll happen to them sooner or later. Yet again, I might not have seen this much. These were all the thoughts and beliefs that I have made up, from what I do not know. Perhaps I just see the world in a darker shade than they do.

And then again, I hate people who are perfect. People who are nice to everybody or try to be nice to everybody. People who offer help selflessly. People who put others before oneself. People who think everyone is nice. People who for countless times, tell me to do the right things. Perfect to such an extent that I don't believe it's true. No one is perfect and can be perfect. This is just so unreal. Everyone has their selfish side, there must be a flaw somewhere. I feel like tearing away the facade and reveal the real them. Yet again, I could be jealous of people like that, perhaps because I know I can never be you. The perfect you. Perhaps such people do exist, but I chose to to believe in the imperfections in me that I can never see the real perfection in you.

I don't want to be what I am now. I want the old self back. I want to indulge, in what I believe is true. I want to enjoy, the indulgence I used to enjoy. I want to relive, the moments I used to live. I don't like the person I see in myself now. Perhaps if I could think as much as I used to, I would not have made the mistakes I made.

I don't want to turn weak. I want my ability back. I want to think. I want to feel alive.